Friday, May 30, 2008

A Blur...

This week has been a blur! From a wonderful three day weekend, rolled into a fun day with daddy and then a special M&M day, Mia has been on cloud nine with all her personal attention. Here are snapshots of this weekend.

Mia played with Aunt Amanda as we ate at delicious CiCi's pizza

Took a nap with Great Uncle Jeff at Great-Grandpa's Birthday Party Bash!

Spent an afternoon of fun and giggles with just Daddy

Visited her friends Miss Laurie and Miss Jean. They spoil her rotten...can you tell!?

Watched the Thunderbirds fly for the Airforce Graduation. (Looks like they are really capturing her attention, huh?!)

It's been a fun last few days! Mommy and Daddy enjoyed all the time we had with Miss Mia. Now she looks forward to a weekend spent with both grandmas and grandpas...I'll keep you posted!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Blogger Block

*Sing to the tune of "Fera Jaqua" (I think that's how you spell it!)

Blogger Blo-ock
Blogger Blo-ock
Go Away
Go Away
I don't like your tactics
I don't like your tactics
I'm fed up
I'm fed up
So, I hope to write something great soon...but it isn't coming to me yet. Hopefully I'll have some good pictures and funny stories to share after this long, beautiful weekend.
See you soon!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

M&M Day + D

Yesterday was lovely M&M Day - just what I needed for the current funk I've been in. Casey ended up taking the day off, too, because cousin Justin's graduation was in the morning and we both wanted to be there. So, Mia got to spend the whole day with both mommy and daddy!

We woke up early (early for a day off that is) in order to get ready for graduation. The graduation started at 9:00 am at the World Arena here in Colorado Springs. Upon getting there, we quickly put Mia in the Baby Bjorn, because who wants to carry around the car seat carrier in an arena, and hurried inside to find the family. Graduation was the typical 2.5 hour special, with many LONG speeches and the watching all the smiling faces walk across stage to receive their empty diploma case. When it was all over, we waited outside for Justin to make his presence known. Many hugs were exchanged and pictures snapped. It was a fun time, and Justin seemed to be relieved that he was finally entering the "real world" - or many more years of college.

(our little family)

(Grandmama and Daddy)

(The view from our seats)

(Daddy and Cousin Justin)

We finally made it through the traffic exiting the arena. With all of our bellies completely empty, we made our way to Chick-fil-A (Note: LMYC was NOT there) to get some delicious grub. It was seriously yummy; just what the doctor ordered. Then we made our way home where all collapsed on mommy and daddy's bed for a short nap, so mommy could take a walk before both grandma and grandmama came for dinner. Well, 3 hours later we all work up. Sweaty. Foggy. Feeling much better. Forget the walk! It was then a mad dash to get everything ready for our dinner company, while still trying to hatch from our long, winters nap.

Grandmama and Grandma showed up for a lovely dinner of Turkey Chili and croissants. It was fun to hang out with them and let Mia have some fun spoiling. We sat out on the deck for a relaxing, summer evening. They both did mommy's dishes and then grandmama rocked Mia to sleep.

It was a beautiful day--even better with Casey home. Now I can't wait for the weekend!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A Private Conversation

**Please note that this email is fully intended to blow off steam and seek council from those who have already taken the path I'm currently walking. I, in no way, am trying to sound whiny or am looking for sympathy in order to set myself above the rest. I completely understand that life can be difficult at times, and I intend to conquer it with grace and wisdom. I will succeed...I just don't know how to at the moment.**

I simply don't know how women juggle career and motherhood. I must not be very good at because every little detail in my life is slowing falling apart. In the minor scheme of things, I leave for work with my house looking like this....

and when I get home, the house looks like this.

I don't know about anyone else, but when things aren't at least a little tidy, it makes me feel way more stressed out. I'm not a neat freak, I just like things to be somewhat in their place, so you don't feel like you are wading through junk just to live comfortably in your own house.

There are so many other feelings that overwhelm me at the moment, as well. To best describe how I feel, I'll show you an email I wrote my husband a couple of days ago.

Ok. Sweetheart. I’m TOTALLY losing it. I’m doing both my jobs half as good as I probably could, because I just don’t seem to have enough time or energy to do them both amazingly. I’m dropping the ball in so many areas at work. I’m not able to be part/lead the team very well. I’m forgetting things, or spending too much time on certain things when it isn’t necessary. I don’t have the energy to “go the extra mile” or think ahead and outside the box to make my events extra special. And let’s not forget about being mom/wife (the job I actually love). I can’t get the laundry done to save my life. I have WAY TOO MUCH ironing to do. The kitchen always stinks of dirty dishes. The floors need to be vacuumed and/or swept and mopped. The bathrooms are absolutely disgusting. Mia will need to be snuggled and held after stimulating day at daycare. So that means two/three hours of holding baby time, which I thoroughly enjoy, but can’t get anything else done in that time frame. I already feel like I’m not giving her enough attention to allow her to grow and blossom how she needs too. I don’t have time to clean out Mia’s clothes of those she can’t fit in, in order to make room for the new ones. I barely get dinner done every night. And every time an option to do something fun comes up, I have this internal struggle with all that needs to be done and what I actually want to do. Throw in the fact that there are so many things I want to do with you, or things I want to do for just me. I’d love to sit down and feel like I can just talk to you without there being other things I need to do or feeling extremely exhausted/spent. I would enjoy the opportunity to work out, and not feel like it’s just another thing to cram into a quick evening schedule. I’d love the time to sit down and do some reading…or plant flowers…or anything else fun, but know that everything is already taken care of so it isn’t looming over my head. I’m not complaining…just failing. I can’t do all of this. I can’t be everything to everyone. It’s too much pressure. Too much responsibility. I can’t do it. I’m sorry I’m failing. I’m sorry I’m cracking. I’m sorry I want to scream and through in the towel. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.

Like the wonderful husband that he is, he responded gently, encouraging me that, "I am a great woman" and that I'm "succeeding with flying colors." But no one sees the ways I'm truly falling part inside. I can't even enjoy being a mom most of the time, because I worry too much about my other job. The job that, more and more, I dread going to because it takes way too much of the energy I need to devote elsewhere. My loving husband told me that he was "going to try and pick up things around the house like the dishes and other things that need to be cleaned up" which I thoroughly appreciate. He is really trying to help me out which I love. But there is still so many things that I still have to do. Laundry...dinner every night after working 10 hours a day...working out so that I don't feel like such a fatty...taking care of Mia when she wakes up throughout the night...trying desperately to spend the time I need to with the Lord. Mornings prove to be the most difficult, as Mia wakes up for the day around 6:30 am. At that time, I have to leave in about 15 minutes for work, and am not able to devote to her the time she needs. So, instead, she lays there and cries wanting desperately for mommy to play with her or give her a little attention. I do my best, at the expense of being perpetually late to work, but it just isn't the same. My heart breaks watching her crave my attention - or any attention - and she isn't receiving it.

I just can't do both of these jobs much longer. My family is suffering for it - I'm suffering for it - and I'm not going to let my daughter get the short straw. It isn't fair. She didn't do anything to deserve that. She is a beautiful gift that we only have for a short time, and I'm slowly starting to miss it as I learn to just survive the long days.

So, what do I do? How do I learn to juggle everything and not loose myself, my husband, and my daughter in the process? How do I learn to enjoy my life again?

Monday, May 19, 2008

M&M Day

So, I know that you all have been on pins and needles waiting to hear all about last weeks M&M Day. I do apologize that it has taken me until now, but life just gets away from me sometimes.

Wednesday was our scheduled M&M day. We had the usual morning grins and giggles, dropping daddy off at work, and taking hours to get ready as we laughed and played in-between each step. We did run many errands though. Since Uncle Eric and Aunt Emily decided that they would indeed like mommy to do their wedding invitations, we had to go all over town to get the supplies (insert LMYC story here). It was a wonderful day. People love being around Mia, seeing her smiling little face, and it is such a treat to spend every day together.


SURPRISE! We got another M&M day on Friday. My work was having a day at the park and authorized me to bring Mia along. We got up bright and early to get to work by 7:00 am. (I let Mia stay in her pajamas because who honestly wants to get dressed that early). We did some work at the office so that mommy could honestly clock her 10 hours. At 8:30 am, Amanda met us at work and we all piled in our cars to head off to the park. Well, in true Colorado spring/summer time, it surprised us with rediculously cold temperatures. Looking out the window you would have thought it was a beautiful, breezy 75 degree day with all the sunshine. However, it was only about 45-50 degrees. Way too cold for the little princess. Mia and mommy sat snuggled close under the gazebo. We had two HUGE blankets wrapped around us which was perfect for the time being as she slept soundly in my arms. But I just knew that this wasn't going to work for the whole day. So, we ended up going home around lunch time. Mia ate a little bit of her delicious formula, and then we crawled in mommy & daddy's bed to thaw out. After a glorious 4 hour nap, we woke up, giggled and played, did some laundry, started some dinner, and waited anxiously for daddy to come home and play with us.

The rest of the weekend continued on in the same fashion. A little bit of lazy, a little bit of chores, seeing friends and family, and all in all enjoying our little family and the time it had together. It was a wonderful weekend with a few extra special days to make the week that much better.

Here are a few Mia pictures taken over the course of this weekend....Enjoy!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Little Miss Yellow Convertable

(M&M Day post is forthcoming. Today I shall write about my most bizarre experience that happened yesterday. Some people!)

Yesterday was a day full of errands. In order to enjoy the fun filled day of driving all over the city, I decided to treat myself to some delicious Chick-Fil-A. SUPER Yummy! It happened to be precisely the exact time that everyone and their mom's decided to eat lunch as well, so the restaurant, parking lot, and drive through were all completely chaotic. After driving around the parking lot a few times, I notice a lady getting into her car. I stopped. Put on my turn signal to politely communicate with my fellow Chick-Fil-A goers that I will be moving. I patiently waited, with a cheerful smile, for this lovely lady to move her car. After what seemed like eternity (approximately three minutes) I leaned forward to see if this lady actually wanted to pull out or was going to sit there for the rest of her lunch break. That's when I saw her...Little Miss Yellow Convertible...sitting in the drive through lane flagging me down.

LMYC: "Um, YOU have cars backed up behind you"
Me: *I shrugged and smiled* "Sorry! Waiting for this lady to pull out
LMYC: "Oh! So I guess you don't care. WOW!"
Me: "I don't really think it is any of your business, but I'm just waiting to get a spot to park. Sorry!"
LMYC: "Of COURSE it's my business! You have cars waiting behind you! *HMPH!*"
Me: "Maybe you should just focus on your drive through're moving forward."

Ok. So many things that I actually wanted to say were going through my brain, like, "Who died and made you Chick-Fil-A Police?" And..."If you are so concerned about this, maybe you should get out of your own backed up line and direct traffic." But instead, I rolled up my window and decided not to pay attention to the lady who had nothing better to do than be all up in my business! I couldn't even believe the attitude over something like that. I mean, I'm sure the cars behind me would have honked if they were irritated.


Monday, May 12, 2008

Mother's Day Pictures

Mia put on her pretty little dress, along with her new shoes, so that she would look super pretty for mommy. I got out the camera and she literally started posing!

After church, and brunch, Mia, mommy and daddy just hung out. Mommy and daddy enjoyed playing with little Mia and making her laugh. Such a happy baby!

Me and the hubby! He could not stop telling me how much he loved me and that I was such a wonderful mommy. What a wonderful husband!

Here is a Mother's Day story sent by my Grandpa and Grandma Samuel:

A newborn's conversation with God

A baby asked God, 'They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?' God said, 'Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.' The child further inquired, 'But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.' God said, 'Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy.' Again the child asked, 'And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?' God said, 'Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.' 'And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?' God said, 'Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.' 'Who will protect me?' God said, 'Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.' 'But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.' God said, 'Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you.' At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, 'God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name.' God said, 'You will simply call her, 'Mom.'

Friday, May 9, 2008

Sweet, Little Dreams

Mia has always been a happy baby. She smiles and her eyes sparkle. She coos and giggles and a smile spreads across your face. And, lately, she has found the art of laughing.

She loves to laugh at daddy when he "toots" on her tummy with his lips.

She loves to laugh when she is laying on her play mat, watching the world go round.

She loves to giggle when mommy says, "You got a nakey bottom! What are you doing with a nakey bottom?"

Best of all....
She loves to laugh when she is falling asleep. Here is my theory: I truly believe she is dreaming about Jesus. Like she and Jesus have these little inside jokes, so when she falls asleep, they giggle over something that I can never understand, but it puts her to rest in His arms. It is certainly the best security I could ever wish for her. I just wish I could be in on the fun!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


Well, it's official...we have bears. I'm not even talking cute, soft, cuddly teddy bears that surround Mia in her room. I'm talking about real life, should be in the zoo, brown bears! NOT joking!

Last night, Casey broke one of our glasses and, since it was trash night and everything was already on the curb, he went to put it outside. Upon doing so, he noticed all these people outside our townhouse with video cameras, along with the news and tons of headlights pointed in the same direction. After the brief fleeting thought of paparazzi, Casey's curiosity was sparked and he ran outside to see what was the "big to do." Up in the tree were two bear cubs and scattered across our lawn was all the trash we had been saving all week! The little bear cubs had sifted through our garbage carefully picking out all of Mia's empty formula bottles. Totally serious! I didn't get a chance to take pictures of the bottles, but I will just to prove it. All the Similac bottles are completely mangled - squished with big teeth marks as if they were trying to get the last few drops!

The news crew told Casey that it would be on the 10 PM news, so we quickly turned it on assuming they were going to make an example out of us -- "Make sure you are careful not to leave food laying around that could attract the beautiful wildlife we live with here in Colorado." They didn't though, because I guess there had been many bear spotting's (momma and 2 cubs) within the last few days, up in our area. The footage they shot right outside our house was " this just in" footage with the little bears climbing up in the trees, licking their lips after such delicious tasting formula. LOL! It gave us a good chuckle.

Needless to say, the garbage men are not going to be too happy with us, as all of our garbage is now decorating the sidewalk (even though Casey tried to clean it up as much as possible) rather than neatly confined to multiple bags.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

M&M Day

Yesterday, was our second M&M day. After a weekend of sickies, I woke up feeling as if nothing had happened within the last few days. Praise the Lord! This was our M&M day and I didn't want anything to spoil it. :)

This particular M&M day was to be filled with many "have to's" and only a few "want to's," but it didn't even matter. Time together is more precious as the days wear on.

After dropping daddy off at work, Mia and I promptly attended her 2 month check-up (already 2 months - WOW). She did wonderfully, weighing in at 10 lbs. and measuring at 23 inches! I was totally shocked. I knew she had grown, but I didn't expect her to shoot up like that! She, of course, was all smiles as the nurses loved up on her. They were totally impressed with how much she was showing off. Then came the awful part -- her first immunizations. There she was, laying on the table, wiggling and giggling then...POKE! She let out the biggest scream I've ever heard (minus the one that happened the first few moments of her life) and could barely breathe she was crying so hard. My heart just ached as I tried to calm her down through the 3 shots she had to get. "Mommy's here...Mommy's here, Princess..." was all I could whisper. Nothing helped until I could pick her up and cradle her close. She gave me this look that said it all - "Why did they have to do that to me?" So heart just melted.

Then it was off to my friend Tara's house to see her and her new baby. Life has been so crazy, lately, that we haven't been able to get together. Mia and I could hardly wait to meet baby Ian. He was so tiny! Tara looks wonderful too, as she slips right into Mommy-hood. She's a natural.

After spending only 30 minutes (BUMMER) with Tara and Ian, Mia and I were off to get new tires on our car. Hubby and I have been needing to get new tires for a long time, so this was such a blessing to be able to do. My friend Jennifer was there when we arrived (her hubby owns the car shop) so we sat and chatted while my car was getting worked on. The minutes just flew by, which is always nice when you are getting car maintenance done. :)

With only a little nap, dinner preparation, and mommy's doctor appointment squeezed into the last few hours of the day, we finally ended up at daddy's work to finish out our day. It was a beautiful day together in the midst of all our chores and errands.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Change Of Plans

What was planned for this weekend:

  • A nice homemade dinner to start off the weekend

  • A good rented movie to watch when Mia was in bed

  • Running errands with the hubby - including shopping for new pants and getting groceries

  • Looking through my "old body" clothes to see if any could fit my "new body"

  • Cleaning the house, getting it ready for the week to come

  • Completely finishing all the laundry and ironing so hubby wouldn't have to go to work naked

  • A movie night, with good friends, full of popcorn and other goodies

  • A beautiful morning, at church, where we would dedicate Mia to the Lord

  • Lunch with the extended family, celebrating Mia and all that happened at church

  • Working out at the gym

What REALLY happened this weekend:

  • Hubby came home sick from work, so I made chicken broth for him and a turkey sandwich for me

  • Rented a horrible movie that allowed me a few extra hours of sleep, and completely wasted 2 hours of Casey's life

  • Went to bed with a husband who had a fever of 99.5

  • Ran a few errands - barely got the grocery shopping done for the next 2 weeks

  • Invited some good friends over for a movie. I was upstairs the whole night throwing up while they were downstairs feeling sorry for me.

  • Had to wake hubby up from a great dream so he could feed Mia -- I could barely even move

  • Stayed in bed all morning, missing the chance for Mia's dedication

  • Had a single yogurt for breakfast, and a Jamba Juice smoothie for lunch

  • Stripped and washed all of our bedding, hoping to get rid of germs

  • Searched hubby's closet to make sure he had something to possibly wear tomorrow

  • Finally did the dishes

  • Ready for another nap

Here is a picture, courtesy of my husband, of me being sick. After he took them, I said "What in the WORLD are you doing?!" He matter of factly responded, "I figured you'd want them to blog about this experience." It's pretty scary how right he was! Don't I look pathetic? :(